Friday, March 23, 2012

Music for the Spirit

I haven't posted anything there in a while. Actually, I just looked and it hasn't quite been 2 months. I would have sworn it had been much longer. I guess it's just that so much has happened during the past few months, the biggest of which was my wedding. I'm married now! Kind of a big thing.

But that's not what I'm here to write about. That's not what drew me here this morning with such a strong pull that I couldn't really ignore it. I have all of these things swirling around me but all
I can do right now is sit here and write because I just cannot deal with any more of the crap going on in my life. I haven't even been home from my honeymoon for two weeks and already I have been dealing with so much stress and turmoil that I'm surprised I'm not currently curled up in bed. But no, I'm still getting up each day and semi-functioning.

There's the work stuff...that I can't really talk about here right now (next week I'll be able to talk about a little more of it). But that has taken up a huge amount of my energy, time, and ability to cope.

And then there's the...I don't know quite how to categorize it because it spills into so many categories. It's relationship/marriage stuff but it's also financial stuff but it's also communication
stuff (which could just be lumped into the relationship/marriage stuff). There's a lot to struggle through, to be frustrated with.

This morning I have been listening to music on spotify (as I do everyday) and the song that is resonating really strongly is "Keep Breathing" by Ingrid Michaelson. There are actually a few of her songs that resonate with me during this time, but that one especially.

"Keep Breathing"
By Ingrid Michaelson

The storm is coming but I don't mind
People are dying, I close my blinds

All that I know is I'm breathing now

I want to change the world
Instead I sleep
I want to believe in more than you and me

But all that I know is I'm breathing
All I can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing now

All that I know is I'm breathing
All I can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing now

And one of the most powerful songs about struggling is by an amazing, brave Lyme friend, Alisa Turner. The song is called "Breathing" (interesting how focusing on breathing becomes a theme during times of struggle).

By Alisa Turner

It is dying to come out
It is killing me within
Someone check if I'm still

Just keep me breathing
Oh now what should I say
I wanna to keep it from the heart
Well someone check if I'm still

Just keep me breathing
See this is why I sing it
It's gonna keep me breathing

I should've told you from the start of things
That tonight I'm really suffering
And me I hope you're still

Don't stop believing
Cause if you stop believing
Than it will keep me singing

I do have thought of suicide
I know it's brave of me to say (I know)
But am I brave enough

To Stay
Enough to stay
So this is why I'm singing
To keep me breathing

I don't know exactly what I'm trying to say here. I guess just that when things are getting tough, as they are right now - and not even physically tough, but emotionally and spiritually tough - going back to focusing on something fundamental like breathing is helpful. But more important than that - for me, seeking comfort and support and nurturing and renewal through music is important. When I got up this morning feeling totally drained emotionally and mentally an
d spiritually from everything that's going on, the first thing I wanted to do (and the first thing I did) was to go and turn on the music on my computer.

No, the songs I listen to when I'm struggling like this are not always so...for lack of a better word I'll call them sad or melancholy. I listen to other songs to try to lift my spirits like "Rolling in the Deep" by Adele and "Good Life" by OneRepublic and stuff from Glee. But there needs to be a balance.

I have no idea if I've gotten what I needed out of this writing. But I know I've run out of time. Now I need to get dressed and head off to see my wonderful almost 10-month-old niece who makes everything better. She is perhaps the best therapy there is.