Hard Love

He changed me so much. He changed me in ways I never thought possible. In ways I only dreamed about and in ways I never wanted. With the good comes the bad and everything we go through shapes us a little bit more into the person we will become someday.

He helped me accept who I am. To realize that I am enough. I am good enough. Just being me is enough for someone to love and accept. But he also showed me the parts of myself that are dark, that need examination. To be brought out into the light and understood instead of shoved deeper down inside and forgotten, surging up to the surface when I feel threatened or lonely.

Love has a way of doing that - showing you the good and bad and everything in between. Things you thought you had dealt with a long time ago resurface and problems you thought would never go away seem to melt into the background. Life is a little less complicated and so much more complex all at the same time. Things are in slow motion - the world seems to stop in a single moment and you wish you could stay there forever. But things seem to spin by so fast that before you know it the moments are gone, the memories just left as a foggy reminder of what was...and the questions of what might have been. Life changes. People change. Relationships change. And they all change you in the process.

I went into that relationship so unsure, yearning for love, longing for that one person who wanted to be the world to me and about whom I felt the same way. I wanted the kind of love that's everlasting, or at least perfect in the moment. Those moments that can last a lifetime. Kisses that seem to be able to melt you. Smiling and giggling at just the thought of him and wanting to share everything. Talking on the phone for hours about everything and nothing. But things get complicated when two people who are so different come together and try to make it work. Love isn't enough sometimes.

There's a Bob Franke song called "Hard Love". That's what it was - hard love. But, as it says in the song, "Love is never wasted, even when it's hard love."

Here's the song - the first verse doesn't apply to me but everything after that resonates very well with me and my experiences.



Hard Love
Words & Music by Bob Franke

I remember growing up like it was only yesterday
Mom & Daddy tried their best to guide me on my way
But the hard times & the liquor drove the easy love away
And the only love I knew about was hard love

It was hard love, every hour of the day
When Christmas to my birthday was a million years away
And the fear that came between them drove the tears into my play
There was love in daddy's house, but it was hard love

And I recall the gentle courtesy you gave me as I tried
To dissemble in politeness all the love I felt inside
And for every song of laughter was another song that cried
This ain't no easy weekend, this is hard love

It was hard love, every step of the way
Hard to be so close to you, so hard to turn away
And when all the stars and sentimental songs dissolved to day
There was nothing left to sing about but hard love

So I loved you for your courage, and your gentle sense of shame
And I loved you for your laughter and your language and your name
And I knew it was impossible, but I loved you just the same
Though' the only love I gave to you was hard love

It was hard love, it was hard on you, I know
When the only love I gave to you was love I couldn't show
You forgave the heart that loved you as your lover turned to go
Leaving nothing but the memory of hard love

So I'm standing in this phone booth with a dollar and a dime
Wondering what to say to you to ease your troubled mind
For the Lord's cross might redeem us, but our own just wastes our time
And to tell the two apart is always hard, love

So I'll tell you that I love you even though I'm far away
And I'll tell you how you change me as I live from day to day
How you help me to accept myself and I won't forget to say
Love is never wasted, even when it's hard love

Yes, it's hard love, but it's love all the same
Not the stuff of fantasy, but more than just a game
And the only kind of miracle that's worthy of the name
For the love that heals our lives is mostly hard love

©1982 Telephone Pole Music Publishing Co. (BMI)

Yours,
Penguini